How To I Convince My Younger Sister To Get Out Of An Abusive Relationship?
My little sister is almost 21 yrs, but she’s with a guy for almost 3 yrs, and for the same time she’s been crying evryday of her life. Her B.F is an entrepreneur and she assists him with his business, and has refused to get a good diploma to be financially independent. Every one has tried talking her to her senses, but she says she loves the guy too much to leave. My sister has had inferiorty complex in her teens and she obviously doesn’t love herself. She has even abondoned her dreams of graduating at nursing school. My mom has caught her B.F in intimacy with other women, and my sister has even seen his B.F cheating for herself. But she refused to leave him. Her B.F’s business is rumoured to be going bankrypt, and my mom caught my sister doing fraudulent papers for the bastard, and my mom has warned her of the consequences. She claims to love the guy so much and needs to do anything necessary to help him, even if he treats her like his doormat. He has abused her verbally.
She really needs professional help. You tried your best already. She knows he cheats on her. She even gave up her nursing career.The only thing I can think or is for you to try and motivate her to seek the professional help she needs. Is there anything that she wants that you can bribe her to go. I really have no other suggestions. Before a person can be helped, they have to want to help themselves, otherwise you are talking to the wall.
Also let her know that you are always there for her, and be very patient.
Good luck
How about introducing your sister to someone who is worth much more than the b/f. Someone as dashing, ofcourse rich, and more intelligent. Try and get them to be friends. It could work out, slowly, but it could. You all have expressed your concerns to her, and once she starts comparing her current b/f with her new friend, she might turn back and seriously think about your feelings and ideas too. She is not in love with the guy, she is forcing herself to be. Love is not what she s experiencing right now, and she needs to know that through a life saver like a new friend who can be friends first, and genuinely be interested in her. Any one like that you know?
She is a grown woman. When she get tired she get out. Right now the more you talk the closeer she gets to him so just stand and observe. When you see him hit her remember what ma dear said cook him grits for breakfast and then use the just as soon as he strikes. she come out okay.
While I believe that your heart is in the right place, I think that it is somewhat misplaced…let me explain:
You see her situation very clearly…it is abusive and misleading and manipulative, etc. However, the biggest problem is your sister, herself. I’m not attacking her, just explaining to you that she will repeat these bad relationship choices until she sees the patterns in her life that must be changed.
I would also say to you that you have a bit of a “savior mentality.” Your heart is good, but you can’t save anyone, and that hurts. Until she sees the problem, there is nothing that you can do.
I would suggest that you ease up on talking with her and spend some concerted time praying that her eyes would be opened. From my experience, God loves to answer that sort of prayer.
Best wishes to you and your sister,
Neil
You can’t run her life. Abused verbally? That is all you got? She is waiting for him to hit it big money wise so she can be rich. Each lives their own life, it obviously bothers you more than her. Just make sure she knows how to use birth control. A baby would really put her in a mess. (Why do you even condone her shacking up with the guy?)
All i have to say is you cannot save someone who does not want to be saved! you need to wait until she realizes it for herself she will eventually get tired of it and come on her own that is the only way to keep your sister close to you and you can still keep an eye on her.
Invite her over to dinner and get the entire family to stage an intervention.
she’s been there for 3 years no there’s no hope unless she does it on her own
All you can do is continue to advise her. She, as are most of us, is her own worst enemy. People have to sometime hit bottom before they can start the climb back up, and it sounds like this is where she may be heading. She needs positive reinforcement and encouragement to continue her schooling and have something to fall back on as she is headed for the fall. If this man loved her he would not be cheating on her and certainly not get her involved with anything that is illegal. He is using her for all the wrong reasons, so you just need to continue telling her this and maybe she will see the light, before she not only loses him, (which in reality she already has), but something far worse, like her own freedom.
I KNOW HOW U FELL BUT TO TELL U THA TRUTH , U CANT DO NOTHING 4 HER UNLESS SHE DOES SUMTHING TO HELP HERSELF, IF SHE REALLY WANTS TO LEAVE THIS MAN, THEN SHE NEEDS TO DO IT. BUILD UP THE COURAGE AND LEAVE, SHE NEEDS TO MAKE A PLAN TO LEAVE AND YOU CAN HELP HER FOLLOW THRU, BUT SHE HAS TO BE WILLING ! AND SHE NEEDS TO CALL THE COPS ON HIS BUTT WHEN HE HITS HER, CUZ IF SHE DONT THEN SHE IS SCREWED , CUZ THEN THE POLICE WONT HAVE NO RECORD OF HER EVER CALLING AND HE CAN DENY IT ,SO IF HE HITS HER HAVE HER TAKE PIX AS WELL.
YOU CAN’T!!
the floor will cave in at some point and the bf will get caught doing bad in the business. guess who he will point the finger at being responsible? you bet the sister doing the paperwork. if i were you i would turn him in now to some authority(taxes-)etc. and let him fall in a hole now before your sis gets in any deeper.
This is a horrible situation, but your sister is going to have to be the one to take control. I hate to say this but maybe when she gets as low as she can go, she’ll snap out of it. I am sorry for you.
it sound like to me the guy is an *** whole and he dosent deserve her. tell her there is a guy out there for everyone and she found the wrong one but it is ok because there are other fish in the sea. plus she may love him but if he verbally abuses her then that shows that he does not fell the same way about her… so tell her to dump him and get a new love in her life that will not cheat and will love her forever and a day .!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!
Hopefully she will get out of this on her own before something
bad happens to her.
They say love is blind and sometimes it can be.
Best of Luck to All.
90% of the time that someone is in an abusive relationship
that they don’t want to leave, you can’t talk them out of it.
Because of their mindset and rational for things that happen
in the relationship, they usually just can’t be helped. All you can do is let them learn first-hand why they shouldn’t be it that kind
of a relationship. When that person gets completely fed-up with
their situation and realizes that that ISN’T what they want, that’s
when you can help them. You can’t help people that don’t want
to be helped.
Stop talking against him. I know it hurt, but you have to stop putting your 2 cent in her life, because the more you talk against the creep, she’s gonna run to him. When she come crying, don’t say anything, when he cheats and you see it, keep it to yourself. Don’t help her talk about him just walk away or pretend you don’t hear her. If she ask why are you treating her this way, tell her.. what’s the use of you all saying anything, she love him better than she love her own freedom, so go for the gold sister. My mom had to wake me up like this and I know my ex husband hate she did. I was his worst enemy.
you can’t talk her into leaving…she must come to that decision herself….hopefully she will before she gets into trouble,or gets seriously hurt…..do they have any children together? i wish her,and u the best!
I got these two buddies…Guido and Jacko…they take care of your problem real fast….ROFL
The only thing you can do to help her is…… to be there for her. She is very confused and on the path of her destruction.
Was she sexually or mentally abused as a child?
She is an adult and there’s nothing much you can do except watch her closely and when the moment arrives, call the cops and bring this to the law enforcement’s attention. She still has to press charges on him for abusing her physically but if she has physical marks on her body….that should be enough to wake her up.
Good Luck.
I think you are feeling pain for your sister. You love her and want to help her, but like most people say, she won’t let you help her until she wants to help herself. All I can say is that when she does want to help herself, make sure you are there, that’s when she will really need you and the rest of her family. Please don’t try to convince her to leave him, that will only work against everything. Just talk to her one more time, say something like, “You know how I feel about your relationship. I think it’s very bad for you. However, I won’t bother you anymore but I want you to know that the minute you are ready to walk out the door I’ll be here to help. I’ll call you twice/three times a week/ everyday and if you ever need anything, let me know. I love you and will always be here for you”. try to get your family to do the same. She might have to break up more than once, twice, three or more times before she actually does it for good, so if you really want to help her, you will have to be very patient and loving.
Good luck.
That is horrible to sit there and watch your little sister get treated like crap. I would probably talk to her and see what she likes so much about this guy, remind her what she’s gone through. Just don’t make her feel like she done all wrong, encourage her to go back to nursing school and live her dream, isn’t that what life is all about?
unfortunately you can not help someone unless they want the help. you have to try and get her to see that she is worth a lot more than what she is getting. try to explain to her that she is more important and her like is worth more and if he really loves her he would treat her like the trust women she is. she should love herself more than to allow someone to take her life from her. my sister did 7years in prison for the man she loved and in the end found out he was not worth 2 minutes. but if she doesn’t see it for herself she’ll never see it.
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